my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
