Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
