dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
