I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
