Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
