You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
