Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
