he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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