Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
