dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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