the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
