he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
