I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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