woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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