Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
