and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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