She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
