you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize