I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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