Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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