So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
