Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
