Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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