omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
