The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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