I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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