is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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