Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
