we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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