when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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