How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
