I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
