I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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