my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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