Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize