does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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