Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
