Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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