I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Holy shit dude........stairs
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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