she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
