fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
