I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
your room smells of hookers.
And success
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
