I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
