I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
