There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
