I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
