I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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