i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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