wat bout pragnant strippers??
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
