We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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