she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
