just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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