Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
