i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Randomize
