i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
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