I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
