apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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