So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
