I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
