There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
When did angry sex become our thing?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
