On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
