Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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