Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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