Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
