5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
