my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize