Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
