I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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