I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
