He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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